Guest post written by: Sylvia Smith
Marriage myths can seem very convincing and true, but in fact they tend to add unnecessary stress and struggle to our lives. This is particularly the case when it comes to relationships and marriage. Once you know the truth and can see reality clearly you may find a whole new sense of freedom in your relationships.
Myth 1: If the relationship is ‘meant to be’ everything will go smoothly
The idea of a ‘fairy tale romance’ can be charming at first, but sooner or later you will realize that real life simply isn’t like that. When you jump into your motorcar and set out on the journey of marriage together, you can expect some rough patches in the road, rainy weather and perhaps a mechanical breakdown or a flat tire once in a while. These things do not mean that you were not meant to make the journey. They are simply a normal part of the adventure, which can actually make things more interesting and rewarding when you overcome your struggles.
Myth 2: Good relationships do not involve hard work
This myth is very closely related to the first one. Some couples expect their relationship to jog along effortlessly because they do not want to put in the hard work which is necessary to maintain any good relationship. If you didn’t refill your fuel tank regularly and make sure your car is serviced on time, then you shouldn’t expect your car to get very far. It’s the same with any fulfilling relationship – it needs a serious investment of time and attention.
Myth 3: You should do everything together
Like all myths, on the surface this seems like a good idea – to do as much as possible together. However, experience shows that some ‘breathing space’ is highly necessary and beneficial for a good relationship. Although you can share many interests together, it is important to still have a few interests, hobbies and friendships of your own. If your relationship becomes exclusive and you spend time only with each other it can become emotionally unhealthy and smothering. Over time one or both of you may start to feel trapped.
Myth 4: If I have found my soul mate I will feel complete
Expecting one other person to meet all your needs and give you a sense of completeness places a lot of pressure on that person. No matter how wonderful your relationship may be, at the end of the day you are both fallible human beings and sooner or later you are bound to disappoint one another. You can certainly help each other along in your individual journey towards wholeness, but ultimately the responsibility lies with each of you to find your own path to contentment and completeness.
Myth 5: I would be happier in another relationship
When you experience difficulties in your marriage it can be very tempting to think ‘if only I could experience a new relationship things would be different.’ The fact is that a new relationship will no doubt follow a similar pattern, starting off with all the positive feelings of strong attraction, and then over time you will discover the ‘other’ side of the person and realize that they too are not perfect. It is better to persevere with your existing relationship and work through some of your differences in a constructive manner.
Myth 6: A baby will improve our relationship
Some couples who are struggling in their relationship falsely believe that having a baby together will draw them closer and make their marriage problems disappear. Reality is that when you bring a baby into this world it can be both a joyful and stressful event. Now you have a third party that you are responsible for and one that demands just about all your attention and care, especially initially. It is unfair and unrealistic to expect a baby to sort out your marital problems. Instead, seek help for your relationship before deciding to start a family.
Myth 7: Having a baby will damage our marriage relationship
This myth is the other side of the coin from the previous one. This is where a couple is happily married and they fear that a having a baby is going to turn everything upside down and catapult them out of their comfort zone. This may well be the case at first, but children are potentially the greatest blessing that a married couple can experience as they learn and grow together into the privilege and honor of parenthood.
Myth 8: There is no arguing or fighting in a good relationship
The truth is that every couple has their disagreements and arguments. The difference between good and bad relationships is not whether or not they argue but rather how they argue. Couples who have a good relationship learn how to resolve their conflicts in a constructive way. They find resolutions and solve their problems before the arguments escalate. Both partners feel free to voice their opinions, and they continue to respect each other even when they disagree.
Myth 9: If you have any doubts then you must be with the wrong person
Making an important commitment such as marriage can be nerve-wracking even at the best of times. It can be perfectly normal to have a few doubts now and then, however this could be largely due to your own personal fears such as the fear of long-term commitment rather than actual misgivings about your partner. If you are having doubts it is best to analyze them carefully before assuming that you are with the wrong person.
Myth 10: It is better to marry someone who is the of opposite you
Personality differences can be fascinating, and just like a magnet, opposites tend to be attracted to one another. However, as time goes by those differences can start to cause excessive friction and tension in the relationship. Studies show that couples who share more similarities in their character and outlook on life tend to stay together longer. The enjoyment of shared interests leads to a comfortable companionship which lasts way beyond infatuation.
Author Bio: Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy, happy marriages. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, StumbleUpon, Google+ and Pinterest.