Rescuing our children comes naturally to all of us. As parents we all love our children. We want them to be successful. We want them to find happiness. We wish for them to be kind. We want to shield them from hurt.
No one wants to see the tears in their child’s eyes when their feelings are hurt because the world has been unkind. Our first instinct is to protect and to try to make it better because their hurt is our hurt (x 1000).
Of course, there are situations that may arise that may require your intervention, however the vast majority of the time donning your red cape may actually mean robbing your child of the opportunity to build resiliency and self-confidence.
Call off the Rescue Mission:
Consequences of Constantly Rescuing your Children
1. You are hurting their self-confidence:
When children see their parents swoop in to save the day every time their feelings are hurt, they internalize that they must not be capable of solving their own challenges. They need to learn that missteps and outright failures are simply a part of life and that they are more than capable of persevering through and finding a solution on their own.
2. You are hurting their ability to be resilient:
As a teacher I have witnessed countless students that emotionally crumble when the smallest challenge arises. They have been shielded so effectively from every form of real or perceived hurt that they don’t know how to cope with fear, anger, or disappointment.
3. You are feeding a false sense of security:
There will be times in life that mom or dad are not going to be there to rescue them when they get a bad grade or someone is being less than kind. What will they do then? It’s important that children learn to rely on their own ability to problem-solve in difficult situations because others will not always be there to save the day.
4. You are setting them up for failure:
I know your intentions are well and good, however can you imagine sharing a workspace with an adult like this? Maybe some of you have. They are the boss that becomes overly defensive any time their ideas are even remotely challenged. They are the co-worker that avoids confrontation at all costs but will go behind your back to complain to your boss. These are not the people you want to work with. You do not want your child to become those people.
Yeah you can probably let go of the lease on the helicopter now…
*Originally appeared on Mom Babble
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It is so hard to do, but you are so right! We can't coddle our kids. They need to learn a few things the hard way. They need to come up with their own solutions. I've had a few run-ins with adults that were coddled. College was a rude awakening for them!
This is so good. It's hard to see our children struggle, but that's part of what makes them resilient. Great reminder.
I totally agree with this.. but sometimes it is SO hard to watch. I am getting way better at just stepping back.
While I don't agree with you on all the points, I like how you stated your side. Great post!
I am going to share this with my husband. He is such a helper/rescuer that this may shine some light on how we shouldn't rescue as often.
I love this I do my best to let them Live and Learn. Count to at least 3 before diving in.
This is so true. It's hard to sit back sometimes, but it helps them grow, develop, and think for themselves. Great post!
I have a 3 year old and until my now 3 month old was born I felt like I was overparenting, that every move by my child needed a reaction. I suddenly don't feel that way anymore, probably because I have to share my attention with both of them.
Spot on. I sometimes have to sit on my hands though. One of the reasons I'm glad my son goes to childcare as I know they'll help him challenge himself.
I tend to shelter my girls. The world is so crazy right now and I want to keep them as safe as I can. However, I have been getting better at letting them deal with things in their own. I have to constantly remind myself to do it though.
It took me a long time to learn this lesson. I wish that you had been around when I was a new mom!
You are so spot on with this.. and it's something I try to remind myself because I'm naturally a cuddly, loving Mom. But I don't need to be that way every time my child hits a road block and can clearly figure things out without Mommy doing it for him! Thanks for the reminders 🙂
This is such a good reminder. Thanks for sharing. It's a hard lesson, but it must be learned!
I am very guilty of rescuing too soon. I hate seeing my children struggle.
"As a teacher I have witnessed countless students that emotionally crumble when the smallest challenge arises. They have been shielded so effectively from every form of real or perceived hurt that they don’t know how to cope with fear, anger, or disappointment." This quote from your post is my son to a tee. I have coddled him for far too long. We tried to homeschool him, but he just couldn't see us as more than parents, not teachers. So he just started school this week.
I agree with this and love your insight! I need to keep these in mind as my daughter gets older!
I am getting better with this as my son gets older. It's especially hard when they are already really sensitive! I think everyone has to find what works best for their child.
Love these! We have taken a very lax approach to reacting when Hazel falls. Most often we just say oh your okay, wipe your hands off and lets keep going. Unless she is really hurt, we try and not make a big deal about it.
I learned #1 the hard way. I am so much better now. I no longer rescue rather I support. It made a huge difference.
Yes to all of this! I've been trying to figure out how to do this better with my 2-year-old. Since she is still so little, my first inclination is to jump in and help her when she is struggling with something, but I also recognize that she needs to start to learn to work things out for herself. Thanks for sharing!
All true. Kids need to learn to pick themselves up, brush off, and persevere.