There are a few milestones in life that will alter your perspective on everything you thought you knew before they occurred. The first is marriage, and the second is children. I often watch, a bit nostalgically, soon-to-be parents, giddy with excitement and joy, completely oblivious to what is about to come their way: financially, emotionally and relationally. If I could have prepared my husband for the first year of parenthood, this is what I would have told him…
To my husband,
Life is about to change around here in both the best and the worst ways possible. As my due date fast approaches I want you to be as prepared as best as you can be for the impact of this journey on our relationship.
In the coming months, please remember that I love you, even when it doesn’t feel as such. Know that I love you when I’m too exhausted to carry on a normal conversation or care about things I used to care about – like Mad Men or the local news. It will take too much mental effort to follow a story line, and the news is just so damned depressing.
Know that I love you when I suddenly have no time for anyone other than this little alien who has invaded our personal space. It may seem like I don’t care when I barely have time to keep up a basic hygiene routine but don’t take it personally, it’s just a lot more work to keep another human alive than I ever imagined.
Know that I love you when I react with unapologetic rage when you ask me what I did all day. I honestly don’t remember, but it infuriates me that you would ask just the same, because trust me, I’ve been busy.
Please know that I need you more than ever. I need you because I will feel like I’m failing every day. I can never do enough. I don’t know what I’m doing a good portion of the time and I’m scared. I need your encouragement to keep going, to tell me it’s going to get better, and most of all to reassure me that I’m doing a good job as a mom.
It will be tough. There will be times when we each may want to call it quits. There will be times we think we don’t need each other any more, but we do. Our relationship will certainly change, but if we stick together it will evolve into something richer and deeper than it ever was prior to the chaos. We will be co-pilots in the adventure of parenting and there is no greater joy than watching the fruits of our efforts grow into a living, breathing miracle.
We will get through this, and on the other side we’ll find we have grown as well, into much better versions of our previous selves.
Sincerely,
Your wife
The Good Enuf Mommy
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This is a beautiful letter, you will be the best parents. Good Luck and a easy labor
This is sweet and full of the honest truth! It wont always be easy and a little one can change everything. You just need to continue to be realistic like this!!
Very true and important words for our men to hear as they try enter into this new world with us!!
Great letter and reminders to your hubby! Sending prayers for a same delivery and a healthy little one! Congrats!
Having children does change your marriage, but it will bring you closer together. Excited for you as you start this new journey together!
Thanks everyone for your well wishes 🙂 We're done having children now, but as I mentioned in the intro if I had to rewind to the time before I had kids, this is what I would have told him. I wish I was this wise before! ha!
An important letter for to-be parents. I think this would have been hard for you to write if you hadn't had children yet. After surviving that first year, you definitely have perspective.
Your letter demonstrates how important communication is in a marriage, especially after kids come into the picture. Well said!
I love this! So sweet and important…though in the first year, even if I had told him (or me) that I still loved him, I wouldn't have believed it! 🙂
What a beautiful letter and so relatable. That first year can be so consuming it is easy to lose sight of your partner.
Such a good description of parenthood, thank you for sharing your heart!
I wished I had read this before we had our child. You illustrate beautifully the changes which happen in a marriage as you welcome a hold, the changes. It's been one of the most challenging aspects to our marriage. Thank you for writing these words.
This is such a wonderful letter. I can relate to it so very much. The sleep deprivation is just so hard and impacts everything. Really, as a new parent you have no idea what you're getting into no matter how much you think you're prepared
Great letter! Becoming an adjustment is such a big change! It amazes me how much news and television programming I used to watch.
Thanks so much Alana – that means a lot!
Absolutely – it can be so hard at times!
Ha – isn't that the truth. Though if we had a magic ball maybe we'd never go through with it! 🙂
I'm sitting at the playground with kids all around me and am so full of tears reading this. This is so perfectly accurate and eloquent. LOVE!!!!
Love this! I'm not a mom yet, but I feel like this letter put a lot of the feelings I have about motherhood and being a wife out there. Truly beautiful!
This is such a great post and idea! On point with everything you said and I bet he is going to LOVE it! I feel like I don't give my hubby enough credit especially after we just had our 2nd baby, but my goodness – I could NOT do this without him. Congrats mama on expecting! Get ready for the best ride of your life 🙂
-Linh
Very good post, and such good points hit on. Thanks for sharing your letter, it's very touching.