Sleep divided up into two-three hour increments does crazy things to your psyche. The patient, loving, and considerate spouse you once fell in love with is now basically a raging hormonal being that will rip your head off in one bite if you ask her what she did all day with “all her free time” before she breaks down into uncontrollable sobs. Ah- love.
First, remember that your relationship will never be the same – and that’s okay. Those tough times you vaguely made reference to in your marital vows are never more prevalent that right after you have kids. You may feel like at times you are just going through the motions. It’s okay. The first year of your child’s life is about survival. It’s ok to just be putting one foot in front of the other some days and just choosing to stick by your commitment because that is what you promised you would do – in good times and in bad.
This post is part of the March Marriage Challenge brought to you by The Eyes of a Boy. Be sure to check out the whole series!
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You're awesome Tiffany! Thanks for your words of wisdom. I miss chatting with you! Roberta
I agree, I think that remembering their best qualities can go a long way. I just wrote down what I love about my husband, and (ok, I've clearly watched to much frozen) I felt my heart thaw.
I love this/ Honestly, it can be so hard to remember who you were and why you truly loved each other when you're amidst the craziness of parenthood and busy schedules. It's so important not to lose sight our your marriage and do things to really keep all that fresh. This is a great post <3
This is such a great post! I've felt like I was going through the motions quite often. It's those times when the kids are at grandma and grandpas that we get to reconnect. My husband and I are actually having a date night tonight! I'm so excited!
Very well written, and so true. We just gave birth to our third child, two months ago, and it is a daily struggle to find time for any sort of intimacy between my husband and I. But he's worth that struggle and I think he feels the same way about me. 😉
I agree! Make time for each other, especially hugging and kissing time. It's nice to know you're loved when life seems crazy with babies.
Ahhhh so agree…finding us time can be so hard!!! At least for us we see a light at the end of the tunnel kinda soon… My princess is almost old enough where we are comfortable leaving her with a sitter so we can once again have date nights etc now and then 😉
I don't have kids but my sister will agree with this! She has 2 and the youngest 17! She always thinks the days go by so fast and never have any her time, this post is awesome!
This is a great post! It is so true…we had our first right off the bat and I always wonder if those first few years would have been easier if we had waited awhile….but it may have been the same once we did have kids! 🙂
Such great reminders. I like the one about loving your spouse when you feel the least giving. Lack of sleep really does a number on everything. Thank you for this post.
My hubby and I are going through all of this right now. We have a 5 weeks old newborn who was also a preemie so double the challenges as we spent 13 days traveling an hour to and from the hospital to visit him every day. I am just TIRED and my hubby has his own business so he thinks he should just have to wake up once during the night (but its like 6am) for a feeding and I should do the rest since it is "my job". Our relationship just falls to the lowest of lows when we have newborns (it did this with my now 3 year old too) but it gets better as they get older and we get more sleep and more time together! Christine – The Choosy Mommy, http://www.choosykids.blogspot.com
Well said. Sleep has been the biggest challenge for my husband and I.
Oh I can so relate! It's like we need a separate training manual for marriage in that first year of new life! It's so hard! Good luck! Power to you mamma! I'm sure you're doing wonderful!
Thanks Shann – that the one that is the hardest for me personally!
Love this! What a great reminder to nourish your relationship even when you're focused on baby. It's definitely harder after kids, but so important!
I love that you mention your relationship with your spouse will never be the same, but that's okay. Sometimes I think about my relationship and life pre-baby and feel sad that I can never have that back – I know that sounds bad, but it's not a bad thing, it's just strange. Nothing is better than being a mom, but you lose your old life.
REALLY good read. It's so important to make time! I tweeted but it didn't tag you!
Great post! It took me over 10 years to get pregnant so my hubby and I had quite a bit of time to ourselves before our daughter came along. I don't think it matters if you have had kids right away or after you've been married for some time, kids definitely change the relationship. There is so much good but it's important to remember to take time to stay connected to your hubby. And I say that knowing how hard it is to actually do. This read is such a great reminder. Thanks!
Loved this!!! I have a 3 year old and a 1.5 year old and we BOTH feel like we just wanna crawl under a rock sometimes. Choosing to love is extremely important!!! Thanks for sharing this message we all as parents need to remember 🙂
I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old, and sometimes it's really hard, but it's so important to remember to give love even when you don't feel like it.
This is so true!! It was crazy how much things change when you have kids.. but you have to make your marriage a priority
Keeping balance in our relationships while raising kids can be so challengging. I love your advice to take time to remember your spouse’s best qualities. It's important to stay connected.
I love this!! We have a step son and sometimes it hard to remember to choose to love. Making time for each other is very important too and always remembering to put our marriage first. Thank you for sharing
Great post! So important to remember to choose love <3
I feel like you described me perfectly! Now after having our third I feel like we are finally finding a balance.
I needed these tips! It's been a rough week….even though it's only Monday. Little things like kisses and hugs can really help
When u r sleep deprived.
My heart has so much love for these words. We struggle immensely in trying to maintain the balance between parenthood and marriage. Some days, I feel like I am either failing as a wife or as a mother. Thank you so much.
I really enjoyed this post. But you made me feel like I have it really easy in comparison…I'm single,my son is six and between school and spending time with my exhusband every other weekend, I actually have a lot of free time. I would much rather be busy and married though…I hate being single.
I definitely needed this. We have a 5 and 3-year-old and it has been tough. the 5-year-old listens, but the 3-year-old…….LOL. I am going to show this to my wife and adopt it this week. Thanks! 🙂
This is great! I don't have kiddos, but know those days are coming ( and it also really makes me appreciate the time we have now.) Thanks for sharing!
So, so true. I also found it helpful to remember I would eventually get more sleep again. It's not forever!
I couldn't love this more if I tried. These are absolutely "words to live by." So well done!
So important to remember and I definitely needed this today!!
man isn't this all the truth! It's so hard to keep your relationships going when you're working 24/7. Thanks for the reminder that I needed to spend sometime loving on my honey tonight
You are a very wise wife and mother! I remember the days when my girls were young. On more difficult days it helps to keep in mind that these moments are fleeting. Each day is precious and there are so many milestones to enjoy with your family. On the days when the laundry doesn't get done and you need to order take-out for dinner, just go with the flow and know you and your husband are doing a great job. My advice is to always remember that the two of you are a team – a winning team!
Too true! Marriage is a lot of work and can be so hard after having kids.
Thanks so much! That means a lot!
It isn't! Just temporary insanity 🙂
For shizzle
That's so great to hear! Glad I could help!
It is 🙂 We all need reminders every once in awhile!
Absolutely!! A winning team – that's a great way of thinking of it!
Absolutely!
Thanks for stopping by! I'm sure she appreciated it a ton!
Thanks Cindy. We definitely all have our struggles. We're all just fighting a different battle 🙂
You are so welcome Rachel. Thanks for stopping by. It means a lot coming from you!
So true – all the little things really add up!
Good for you! Yes it can be so difficult at times!
Yes you do! It's so important to put the two of you at the forefront!
Exactly!!
Thanks Jessica!
Thanks so much! It is so important!
Thanks so much Shelah!
Ha – I too have sought out that rock! I think we all have at times
Thanks so much for sharing!
Absolutely! It's hard to live the same life you had before kids, but also so worth it in the end!
I too have had those thoughts. I think it's important to celebrate the "new normal"
I feel as if you have peeked into my life. Haha! My husband and I were married for 7 years before we decided to have kids. And wow! The changes that followed were a huge surprise! We knew stuff would change, but we were/still are shocked at how much they affect our relationship. Love this!!
Ha – I know – it's a shock hey?
This is great advice. It is so important to remember your spouse and yourself after kids.
I find I often have to remind myself this! Sometimes it's a real struggle, but we try to make a point to connect with each other at least once a week. I'll admit, there are weeks that get hectic and I feel like we're not taking the time to stop and appreciate each other, and then other weeks we do a great job of spending time along together. It definitely happens to all of us!
I just reread this post, and I would have to agree that it is the hardest for me too. It's been especially hard lately, and I'm not sure why. I guess the change of seasons?
YES, YES, YES. All of this! So much!!
Thank you for sharing, and thank you for being a part of the March Marriage Challenge 🙂