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If Parenthood was a Choose Your Own Adventure Novel…

in parenting on 25/07/13

 

 

 

 

Ever feel like your life is just one big “Choose your own adventure” novel and every scenario ends with disaster? Example:

You are at a grocery store with your spirited toddler. He decides he wants out of the cart immediately to run free and uninhibited around the store. Do you:

a)    wrestle him to stay in the cart as a loud tantrum ensues
b)   let him wander close to you as long as you can keep an eye on him
c)    try to get him to hold onto the cart beside you
d)   abandon the shopping trip altogether and head for the car
Confession time…in every choose your own adventure novel that I have ever read I would always cheat and peak at each option before making my choice to ensure I always had the best possible outcome. Oh come on you did it too! Don’t you wish life were like that?  Well let me give you some insight into the all too familiar likely outcomes of the above choices:
If you chose:
a)    Everyone within earshot either ignores you and refuses to make eye contact, looks at you pitifully, or stares you down accusingly as if you are the worst mother in the world.
b)   He proceeds to get just out of reach and you have to chase him down the aisles as he giggles with glee at his newfound freedom. He then makes a game of knocking down all the cereal boxes off the shelf as he runs by and others stare you down accusingly as if you are the worst mother in the world.
c)    This lasts all of 5.2 seconds before he proceeds to knock all the chocolate bars off the shelf one by one as others stare you down accusingly as if you are the worst mother in the world.
d)   You go home without groceries and feel like the worst mother in the world for not being able to handle a simple trip to the grocery store.
Waaahhhh.
Well, the above did in fact happen to me the other day – and what did I choose you ask? Well I chose option a with the added feature of stuffing my iphone into my toddlers’ hand because I know nothing settles him down faster than looking through pictures from my photos. Worked like a charm. He quieted down, no fuss – so everyone was happy right?

Naturally I must have beat the odds and reigned supreme as the ultimate best mother in the history of this galaxy…RIGHT?

Not so my good friend. What actually happened was that a middle-aged gentlemen came right up behind me, looked at my toddler flipping through my iphone (gasp!) and then stared me dead in the face and loudly proclaimed, “WOW!”

Getting ready to retreat into my cloak of mommy shame and not completely sure if this was a compliment or an insult I ventured to say, “Yup it starts young hey? Heh heh…Well whatever keeps ‘em quiet…heh heh errr….” To which the man dramatically rolled his eyes and walked away clearly indicating that I had committed some unforgivable sin for offering my two year old electronics to keep him quiet.

Ok – insult it was. I can’t win.

The Good Enuf Mommy

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If I Weren’t a Mom…

I know I’m not alone here. I love my child with more love than I ever thought was even possible. And yet there are definitely moments that I think to myself: What I wouldn’t do right now to just lounge on a patio, go shopping alone, spend the afternoon golfing, take a girl’s vacation, etc. etc. etc.


Playdating other Moms…

Every mom needs other supportive moms surrounding her. This is the one time in your life where even typically very confident women can feel like they are doing it all wrong and that life is just a series of spit up, nap schedules and monotony with no reprieve…

20 Comments

« Healthy Snacks for Toddlers on the Go!
If I Weren’t a Mom… »

Comments

  1. Clare Speer says

    October 27, 2015 at 1:21 am

    Hey – please don't be too hard on yourself! This happens or happened to ALL of us (my daughters are young adults now) – but I would say (c) first and then (d)…. but goodness – parents and moms are truly doing the best we can! blessings!

    Reply
  2. Hil D says

    October 27, 2015 at 1:21 am

    That would have been too. With a snarky comment at the stranger and a "go ahead and try to lecture me" face on because at that stage I would have been at the end of my rope and whoever decided to engage me would probably run away! You need food, therefore you have to grocery shop. You have a kid, they have to come with you. You do WHATEVER it takes to get it done! You ate dinner that night and didn't kill anyone, successful shopping trip in my opinion!

    Reply
  3. Just Plain Marie says

    October 27, 2015 at 1:21 am

    Sigh. It's rotten, isn't it? No matter what we do, there are going to be people who judge our parenting and know that they, of course, would have done it differently, better, not nearly as horribly.

    And you know what else? Unless you really ARE doing something awful, like beating your child, then the opinions of those people just don't matter. 🙂

    I either do A or D. I've never found B and C to work with any of my children.

    Reply
  4. WorkingMomMagic says

    October 27, 2015 at 1:22 am

    I used to love those books!!! I need to find some for my son, since I bet he would love them too! No matter what you choose, there is always some person who is right there to be judgmental about it! ha! Screw em!

    Reply
  5. Tarynn Playle says

    October 27, 2015 at 1:22 am

    Oh, wow! Sorry, this is too funny!! Mostly because I have been there many times. I always choose option a, my 2 year old can not be trusted. And I would gladly take the stares, glares, and rude comments about him quietly looking through my phone if my phone worked for him. He has never been into it. My daughter, however, loves the phone! When she was 18 mo, she had the phone at a store and an older lady said, "Wow! I bet she's better at using that phone than I am! Haha!"

    Reply
  6. T Austin says

    October 27, 2015 at 1:23 am

    Totally 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement!

    Reply
  7. T Austin says

    October 27, 2015 at 1:23 am

    Exactly! You are right on the money!

    Reply
  8. T Austin says

    October 27, 2015 at 1:23 am

    I know! What gives?

    Reply
  9. T Austin says

    October 27, 2015 at 1:23 am

    Me too! They were my favorite!

    Reply
  10. T Austin says

    October 27, 2015 at 1:24 am

    You gotta do whatever works for you!

    Reply
  11. Melissa Matters says

    October 27, 2015 at 10:59 pm

    Oh my goodness! I have never had someone say something like that to me before! How horrible. On the other hand, everyday is a choose your own adventure. You never know what will happen!

    Reply
  12. Susie & Kate says

    October 27, 2015 at 10:59 pm

    These were always fun books. I had this exact battle this morning… I went with B it didn't end too bad 🙂

    Reply
  13. Shann Soiney says

    October 27, 2015 at 10:59 pm

    Hey, you do what you have to do. Don't let a grumpy old man get you down .Ps .I used to love those books, and always cheated .

    Reply
  14. Danielle says

    October 27, 2015 at 11:00 pm

    Oh no! I'm sorry that guy insulted you. I've done this exact thing too many times to count. He either doesn't have kids or he was being a jerk…or both.

    Reply
  15. Integrated Learning Strategies says

    October 27, 2015 at 11:00 pm

    That is so tough! I'm so sorry. We have many parents at our center who have children with sensory issues and learning challenges, which makes it really tough for them to go to the store and to other crowded places. It usually consists of meltdowns and they've had similar experiences. You aren't a bad mom at all! No matter what stage your child is in, it is really tough and we all have those days.

    Reply
  16. Trish @AlmostSexyMommy says

    October 27, 2015 at 11:02 pm

    Electronics weren't quite as prevalent and entertaining when my oldest was little, so I had to just open a pack of graham crackers or something to keep mine quiet. It's funny how people forget what having littles was like and then think they can judge! You didn't lose – he did, for failing to observe a mom coping beautifully with a situation.

    Reply
  17. Susannah says

    October 29, 2015 at 11:18 pm

    Heehee I read those books all the time! I think parenting really IS a choose your own adventure book – minus the ability to cheat! 😉

    Reply
  18. Mommy A to Z says

    October 29, 2015 at 11:18 pm

    Can't. Stop. Laughing. You go, mama!

    Reply
  19. Alana Parenting from the Heart Blog says

    October 31, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    PLEASE tell me you had this published somewhere?!?! This is hilariously written!!!! Damn that judgmental guy though! And, yes I ALWAYS peaked ahead lol

    Reply
  20. T Austin says

    October 31, 2015 at 3:47 pm

    You are so sweet. I haven't…I might revamp it a little bit though and maybe? Ha – thanks for the encouragement!

    Reply

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